I just started, and I just wanted to come and comment that I have really enjoyed your writing thus far. I am interested to see the magic system of runes and how that progresses as the story goes on. Great start!
From what I've read so far, it looks like you have a fairly well-developed world here. The way you mentioned certain things without fully explaining them hints at depths of lore you haven't revealed yet. However, I did find it a little confusing to have all this action, and so many references to particular things, without any explanation. Of course you don't want to infodump, but I think a little explanation here and there could help readers make better sense of what's going on. I guess I'm just saying this chapter could benefit from a few more context clues.
Also, it was a little hard for me to tell who was doing what at times. But anyway, it sounds like it's all tied to something exciting.
It would help me know how to evaluate his responses and actions. You don't have to be specific. But is he a teen, young man, in his prime? I suspect early 20s?
Early twenties was where he was in my head; controlled and at a place of power his age wouldn't normally occupy, but a bit forceful and lacking either the bite or reserve that age would lend.
Honestly, that's a good point that knowing would help readers think about his actions, I'll find a good place to add it!
I just started, and I just wanted to come and comment that I have really enjoyed your writing thus far. I am interested to see the magic system of runes and how that progresses as the story goes on. Great start!
Thank you! I have some exciting things planned for it, glad you're enjoying it.
From what I've read so far, it looks like you have a fairly well-developed world here. The way you mentioned certain things without fully explaining them hints at depths of lore you haven't revealed yet. However, I did find it a little confusing to have all this action, and so many references to particular things, without any explanation. Of course you don't want to infodump, but I think a little explanation here and there could help readers make better sense of what's going on. I guess I'm just saying this chapter could benefit from a few more context clues.
Also, it was a little hard for me to tell who was doing what at times. But anyway, it sounds like it's all tied to something exciting.
Thanks Shari! Really appreciate the feedback, that's exactly what I'm looking for on here.
You're not alone, others have said the same thing and I agree. It's a tough balance, and I could do with some more explanation as it stands.
I'm in the middle of re-writing this part to some extent, we will see if I can improve on some of that :)
Have you told us how old Thrain is?
I might have missed it. Enjoying this world very much.
I have not! That’s not been intentional, and I could figure out a place to add it if you feel it would help place him.
It would help me know how to evaluate his responses and actions. You don't have to be specific. But is he a teen, young man, in his prime? I suspect early 20s?
Early twenties was where he was in my head; controlled and at a place of power his age wouldn't normally occupy, but a bit forceful and lacking either the bite or reserve that age would lend.
Honestly, that's a good point that knowing would help readers think about his actions, I'll find a good place to add it!
Ok good because that's how I saw him. Maybe just have an older character refer to him as young? The priestess?
Finished this and on to the next!
Thank you!! If you get to the third and on, let me know how the 3-part narrative strikes you.
I wonder all the time if I should put more POVs in a row
So far, I like the 3-part narrative!!
Sweet! We will see how it works as the story goes, I’m realizing there’s a lottt of Tylen to write 🤣
Will do!
Great chapter! I love this introduction to Thrain and what kind of person he is. This line was *chefs kiss*:
Stepping forward, the spear dragged the ground and made a sound like dozens of tiny smiths hammering tiny swords, before he hefted it further